“And I’ll…” Well, you know the rest.
Yesterday was my birthday and I have to thank all of you for making it a special one with your wonderful wishes and gifts and love. You kept me smiling throughout the day… despite the crying. Yeah, I did some of that shit yesterday. It was unrestrained and unattractive. With the heaving and the snot and the animals-in-pain type noises. It was the kind of crying that needed to happen apparently. I’ve kept a brave face for the past eight months and I guess yesterday, the brave face needed a break. And a cathartic reboot.
After a very relaxing celebratory weekend in Newport Beach with Jed, I awoke on my actual birthday well aware the first thing on the agenda was a doctor’s appointment. We went together, Jed likes to know every detail of what the new drill is going to be. Oh, did I mention there’s a new drill? ‘Cause there is - the Cytoxan did not work. In fact, it probably stopped working a few months ago. Which is why my edema is coming back…
It seems that since I did Cytoxan six years ago for the brain flare, I have developed non-responsive cells to the drug. So the responsive cells reacted accordingly for the first few treatments, then my other cells, the ones that are too cool for Cytoxan, gave it the big fat finger. To say this predicament is disappointing is an understatement but… it is what it is. Don’t know if I can call this a plateau anymore. It’s more like square fucking one.
That’s all I got - the latest and greatest. Did I want to punch my fist through multiple walls yesterday? Sure, because that would be super badass. But instead I focused on the tower of balloons from my adorable nieces, visits from family and friends, birthday phone calls, texts, chats, tweets and posts on facebook - the day was full of love and support thanks to you and before I knew it my husband was home from work and all was right again.
So away we go. We’ll get there soon enough.